Oh where peace may lie.

"You are the sunshine in my day. You make everyone around you happier, just by being there."

Anytime I feel down I just imagine someone special saying these words to me.
I do not always get what I need but maybe one day I will find someone who needs me.

Proud

I decided very young that I was never going to get involved in a relationship and therefore would never get married. It isn't easy growing up seeing more negative aspects of relationships than good. I knew back then that I didn't want to take a chance at being hurt. As I grew older I never allowed myself to fall in love with anyone, always keeping people at a distance and becoming comfortable being by myself. Then came my party days. I started a bit late having fun with friends. I did that for about 3 years and as the party animal me slowly began to fade away I decided that maybe I was ready for a relationship; maybe things would be different for me.

I was able to push myself out of my comfort zone and began going out on dates. It didn't take long until I had my first boyfriend.
At the time I believed I made a great choice (he was good for me then and I learned a lot). I believed that he would be able to cherish me for who I was and love me for who I would always be.

I have grown to not expect anything because my expectations are usually incorrect. For 2 years I made myself depressed expecting something to occur and leaving myself open to disappointment.

Although things did not turn out the way I would have liked, I am proud of myself for taking the steps to forever change who I am today.
I do not know if I will ever be able to open myself again to anyone in the future; even a child learns not to touch an open flame after they've been burned once.

I hope I will become close to someone again but I do not expect it.

Smile

All I truly want in this world is someone who just wants to make me smile. Someone who will do anything just to make sure I am happy. Someone who makes me a priority enough to remember I am alive.

I feel empty. My chest aches. These are just words. I cannot really describe this feeling at all. I am still crying millions of tears. One day I will be better again.