Not feeling Well

I am not feeling well.
I checked my weight on the scale and it seems I LOST 5 pounds. I believe now I am at 130.
This is my last week, for a month, of eating whatever I want. August I am going to try Tessa's vegetarianism. It isn't exactly vegetarianism since she does eat seafood but whatever.
This LOST monster is feeling the loss of something but I can't quite put my finger on it.
Seasons are changing here is S.D.

Sanity LOST

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Drained

I hate being stressed out.
I hate my car.
I have to take a break from certain people in my life before I end up exploding. I am a bit too passive towards the people I care about. I've got to learn to stop allowing things to build up cause I don't want to hurt any feelings.
These last couple of days almost everyone I know has chipped a piece of my sanity off of me. Although I had a stressful vacation, I did have fun in my own kind of way; I did accomplish most of my goals for Comic Con so I guess I should not complain too much.
Now that I'm back to work I remember why I don't like leaving it for more than 2 days at a time. I hate having to clean up the messes that are made. Just once I would like to not have to worry. I'll be fixing things until Wednesday.
So yeah.
Things are great.
I am so drained.
Thoughts of driving north are invading my thoughts again.

Hiatus

Curious

My Soul is Dark

My soul is dark --- Oh ! Quickly string

The harp I yet can brook to hear;

And let thy gentle fingers fling

Its melting murmurs o'er mine ear.

If in this heart a hope be dear,

That sound shall charm it forth again:

If in these eyes there lurk a tear,

'T will flow, and cease to burn my brain.

But bid the strain be wild and deep,

Nor let thy notes of joy be first:

I tell thee, minstrel, I must weep,

Or else this heavy heart will burst;

For it hath been by sorrow nursed,

And ach'd in sleepless silence long;

And now 'tis doom'd to know the worst,

And break at once --- or yield to song.

~Lord Byron
1815

Rabbit Food

So my aunt told me that my salads taste better than anyone else's even hers.
It's not hard to make a salad and she is approximately the 5th person to have told me that I make a good one. I don't know whether to be insulted, cause it's just a freakin salad or elated.
I should make salads for a living.
Maybe I unconsciously put some juju magic in salads whilst making them. Either that or everyone else is lazy and just wants me to do the work.

Alicia Keys is Beautiful

Losing Weight

I've been shedding those extra pounds that I have put on through the years.
Haha mentally and physically.
Awesome.
Revitalized.

Petty

I think I know why I was pissed.
It was because I was jealous. I'm not familiar with that emotion. We haven't crossed paths often. I don't know whether or not I like the idea of being jealous of an inanimate object as opposed to an animate one.
When did I become so petty? I am made of stronger stuff. I've survived this long. I've survived myself this long. Independent of mind.
I enjoy alone time. I enjoy my own company. Do I still?
Very confusing and new. Not me at all. I am growing so to speak. Pleased/ not pleased? The jury is still out.

What I do know is that I will not become a cliche.


Listening to: Trouble by Ray LaMontagne

Self- Destruction

Only I can destroy what I am creating...
what I have tried to create...
and what has been created.
I am in a self-destructive mood.
Why.
Protection?
Maybe.
I've underestimated my survival instincts.

Adventures in Wonderland

Pissed
Quaking
Dance
Crunk
Emotions
Ponderous
Heat

Where is my relaxation?
Don't know what to make of this.
I blame Bueller.

Slinky

love

FUCK BIRDS

Damn them all to hell!


Mood: psychotic

Listening to: Isn't She Lovely by Stevie Wonder

Taketi and Uloomu

I do not know why I have chosen to believe that you would change. I know there is no pleasing you. No matter what I do, it will always be wrong. I do not like to say "I give up" but in this respect, I do. I will live fully to my own beliefs. In respect to you, I will not argue with you on our conflicting thoughts. You can believe as you wish; you won't believe the truth anyways. I will continue to love you. I only wonder if you will do the same.
I am not my mother nor do I aspire to be her. I am I. A sentient being shaped from my own perceptions and being honest, some societal conformities.
I am not you nor will I ever be confined to your statutes. I couldn't live like that. I wonder how can you.

Poem

Bueller wrote me a poem. This is the first time someone has written a poem for me.
I am happy.

Queen of Swords

Sigh

SHE walks in beauty, like the night
Of cloudless climes and starry skies,
And all that's best of dark and bright
Meets in her aspect and her eyes;
Thus mellow'd to that tender light
Which Heaven to gaudy day denies.

One shade the more, one ray the less,
Had half impair'd the nameless grace
Which waves in every raven tress
Or softly lightens o'er her face,
Where thoughts serenely sweet express
How pure, how dear their dwelling-place.

And on that cheek and o'er that brow
So soft, so calm, yet eloquent,
The smiles that win, the tints that glow,
But tell of days in goodness spent;
A mind at peace with all below,
A heart whose love is innocent.

Lord Byron