Life is good

The Torture Garden! Passions, appetites, greed, hatred, and lies; law, social institutions, justice, love, glory, heroism, and religion: these are its monstrous flowers and its hideous instruments of eternal human suffering. What I saw today, and what I heard, is no more than a symbol to me of the entire earth. I have vainly sought a respite in quietude and repose in death, and I can find them nowhere.

I will never forget and he makes it very hard to forgive.

A seed grew,
without care,
without time,
without nourishment.
It grew on its own
and though there were those who tried to drown it,
those it loved who tried to starve it,
those it didn't know who tried to burn it;
that seed flourished,
because in the end
life still goes on.

Why is it taking so long to repair my heart.

Hands hold, fitting perfectly together, never letting go.
Anothers eyes beckon
in vain.
I am who he sees.
Touching lips sublimely
Others lips beckoned sweetly
in vain.
I am who he kisses.
Arms wrapped comforting.
Others arms beckoned temptingly
in vain.
I am who he feels.
Do dreams do come true?

Sentimental Fool

Sentimental fool and the resourceful tool.
Blinding reality, temptation is everywhere.
Don't speak.
What makes us who we are is what we do,
How we treat those close to us and how we treat the few.
Belief in the truth not in the ultimate good.
Resist darkness for it is everywhere even if not chosen to be seen.
People are not always who they seem.
They can stomp on hearts to satisfy their own,
and they always stomp on the sentimental fool.

The soul finds no space in the clouds. The sky is crowded. The stars weep.

I lay myself down then close my eyes and in that moment between sleep and wake, I feel my soul leave.

reciprocity

I've been taking care of people practically my whole life. I still am because it's in my heart. I want someone in my life who wants to take care of me and will take care of me. It's difficult when the one you love would rather be with other people.

The stars of the night are calling me home. That is where I belong. That is where my souls half resides. Oh that million mile separation burns through my core and leaves my ashes forever trapped in this limbo of my own creation.

Oh where peace may lie.

"You are the sunshine in my day. You make everyone around you happier, just by being there."

Anytime I feel down I just imagine someone special saying these words to me.
I do not always get what I need but maybe one day I will find someone who needs me.

Proud

I decided very young that I was never going to get involved in a relationship and therefore would never get married. It isn't easy growing up seeing more negative aspects of relationships than good. I knew back then that I didn't want to take a chance at being hurt. As I grew older I never allowed myself to fall in love with anyone, always keeping people at a distance and becoming comfortable being by myself. Then came my party days. I started a bit late having fun with friends. I did that for about 3 years and as the party animal me slowly began to fade away I decided that maybe I was ready for a relationship; maybe things would be different for me.

I was able to push myself out of my comfort zone and began going out on dates. It didn't take long until I had my first boyfriend.
At the time I believed I made a great choice (he was good for me then and I learned a lot). I believed that he would be able to cherish me for who I was and love me for who I would always be.

I have grown to not expect anything because my expectations are usually incorrect. For 2 years I made myself depressed expecting something to occur and leaving myself open to disappointment.

Although things did not turn out the way I would have liked, I am proud of myself for taking the steps to forever change who I am today.
I do not know if I will ever be able to open myself again to anyone in the future; even a child learns not to touch an open flame after they've been burned once.

I hope I will become close to someone again but I do not expect it.

Smile

All I truly want in this world is someone who just wants to make me smile. Someone who will do anything just to make sure I am happy. Someone who makes me a priority enough to remember I am alive.

I feel empty. My chest aches. These are just words. I cannot really describe this feeling at all. I am still crying millions of tears. One day I will be better again.

"Loneliness casts a tall shadow on even the most joyous of times. The inability of sharing an experience with someone you love subtracts from it's overall value. If it weren't for the noise of fireworks, I would try to sleep it off."

~Sidney Noble

Bad Dream

I had a bad dream last night. How is it possible to dislike (borderline hate) a person you haven't met.

If you really love someone, you wouldn't do things that would hurt them.

They think it's so easy

I feel left out of everything. I was looking at pictures of people I used to know and they seem so happy. I feel blah.

The strength of a few can hold this world together. The walk is long and painful yet necessary. Change is constant, inevitable. Stability is the key.
You can't always get what you want, it is childish to believe otherwise. I grew up years ago. Maturity met and soul aged. Life is worth living and enjoying. Let no one make you feel as if your life is worthless as if you have wasted something precious. Live how you feel. Live your happiness.

Wishing the sun will shine again

Life is full of sacrifices.

You can't always get what you want you make it

I am so weary of people trying to make me feel as if my life and what I do in my life is worthless. Just because I do not aspire to be better than everyone else does not make me a slacker. I just want to be happy, do the things that make me happy, explore other things that make me happy and live a stress free life. No I don't want to fucking use my biology degree. Yes I could but I don't believe that would make me happy. Money is not everything in life. It seems as if it is human nature to chip away at others souls.

I believe in myself and realistically I cannot expect others to believe in me also.

Lines on the Sand

I once walked a straight line
unknown to myself.
I was what others believed I should be.
I once walked a dotted line
unknown to myself.
I was a fraction of what I knew I should be.
I once walked a crooked line
unknown to myself.
I was what they wanted me to be.
I walk a solid line.
I am what I am.
I am who I am.
Independent and solitary of thought.

Existence among others is a double edged blade.

Puppy

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