People just don't understand

*Sigh*

Well hell.

I'm a girl!

Someone told me today that I giggle when I'm flirting with someone. GIGGLE! That's disgusting! What the freak! I'M TURNING INTO A GIRL! I can't believe this is happening to me. I refuse to be like them!

I'm bored

So a pirate walks into a bar, okay, and swaggers up to the barkeep and demands a glass of rum. I believe his exact words were "Your rum or your life, dog, what'll it be?".
And so the bartender, being a reasonable fellow, makes no complaint but simply grabs a large glass, a bottle of fine dark rum, and begins to pour. And while he's waiting for the glass to fill (this being, as I said before, a large glass) he sizes up the pirate, having never seen a real honest-to-God pirate before.
This pirate is in full pirate gear. Gold earrings, patch over the eye, a big filthy white blouse covering his swarthy chest, tattoos everywhere, all of it. But protruding from his pirate trousers is the unmistakable form of a steering wheel.
Well, the bartender sees that the glass of rum is just about topped off, so he passes the glass across the bar to the pirate, who nods curtly and takes a huge swig of the rum. Slapping a dubloon on the bartop, he turns to walk away, when our bartender's curiousity gets the best of him.
"Wait, one second. What's up with the steering wheel?"
And the pirate turns back and fixes him with a beady glare from his lone eye. "Arrr, I don't know, but it's drivin' me nuts!"

Out of Context

Scene: Sandi trying a ring on her finger.

Sandi: "Man, I really wished this fit."
Kamia: "That's what he said!"


Scene #2: Sandi putting all donations into one bin.

Sandi: "I'm surprised I got all that in there."
Kamia: "That's what he said!"

F' it

F' it. I'm picky.

They're either too young of too Old :(

I have two 15 year old boys that like to come into the store and harass me. They're actually sweethearts and even though they may be strange now, the ladies will be all over them when they are older. One of them, Derrick has been coming into the store almost since it's first been open. I call him the accident prone kid. I call him this because he always has something physically wrong with him every time he comes in. He's had a bloody nose, scratches all over his arms, poison ivy scratches, a broken arm, sprained ankle, etc. He calls me bionic lady because I've had surgery on my knee.

I told them that they have a great bromance going. Their response was that they won't be friends after high school because they'll go to different colleges and stop talking to each other as they start new lives. As you can see they are both smart asses. Yesterday they saw a book about Sarah Palin and said "Look, it's the face of evil". Then they went on this huge discussion about how they hate McCain. I swear I would love to tape them orating their own political views and life stories so I can post the video on youtube. Their response would probably be calling me a pedophile.

Anyways, my co-workers say that they have a crush on me. I didn't really think so until yesterday when they came in. Derrick's friend saw a Charlie Brown Valentine's Day book behind me and made this comment:

"Derrick is going to hide in your mailbox like Snoopy so he can love you."

Why Thank You Mr. Rich Man

Goodwill decided to give me a birthday card. This is what it said:

"Birthdays are good for you. Statistics show that the people who have the most, live the longest. Happy Birthday!"

It was signed by the CEO.

Now I'm well off but I believe someone who isn't really wouldn't appreciate receiving this card. It's kind of a nah nah nah nah nah I've got money and will live longer than you poor people!