Proud

I decided very young that I was never going to get involved in a relationship and therefore would never get married. It isn't easy growing up seeing more negative aspects of relationships than good. I knew back then that I didn't want to take a chance at being hurt. As I grew older I never allowed myself to fall in love with anyone, always keeping people at a distance and becoming comfortable being by myself. Then came my party days. I started a bit late having fun with friends. I did that for about 3 years and as the party animal me slowly began to fade away I decided that maybe I was ready for a relationship; maybe things would be different for me.

I was able to push myself out of my comfort zone and began going out on dates. It didn't take long until I had my first boyfriend.
At the time I believed I made a great choice (he was good for me then and I learned a lot). I believed that he would be able to cherish me for who I was and love me for who I would always be.

I have grown to not expect anything because my expectations are usually incorrect. For 2 years I made myself depressed expecting something to occur and leaving myself open to disappointment.

Although things did not turn out the way I would have liked, I am proud of myself for taking the steps to forever change who I am today.
I do not know if I will ever be able to open myself again to anyone in the future; even a child learns not to touch an open flame after they've been burned once.

I hope I will become close to someone again but I do not expect it.

Smile

All I truly want in this world is someone who just wants to make me smile. Someone who will do anything just to make sure I am happy. Someone who makes me a priority enough to remember I am alive.

I feel empty. My chest aches. These are just words. I cannot really describe this feeling at all. I am still crying millions of tears. One day I will be better again.

"Loneliness casts a tall shadow on even the most joyous of times. The inability of sharing an experience with someone you love subtracts from it's overall value. If it weren't for the noise of fireworks, I would try to sleep it off."

~Sidney Noble

Bad Dream

I had a bad dream last night. How is it possible to dislike (borderline hate) a person you haven't met.

If you really love someone, you wouldn't do things that would hurt them.

They think it's so easy